Hey Reader,

If you want to feel at peace in yourself, present with your kids, and able to genuinely enjoy parenting amidst the chaos, you should know this:

How you feel on a day-to-day basis is largely determined by the thoughts running through your head.

You’ve felt this. You know those times you’re thinking the worst and focusing on all you lack only make you feel anxious and stuck — so you’ve tried “thinking positive”, “being grateful” and “letting it go”, because you know a more positive mindset will help… but it isn’t quite that simple.

Sometimes your mind just gets hooked on some painful feeling and you end up caught in a negative thought spiral that replays anytime you dare to slow down.

Here are 4 common negative thought loops I often see mums getting caught in — and what key skills to focus on to build your resilience and find more peace and positivity in your mind:
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​1. A relentless running-through of everything you really need to do.

This means: In the busy-ness of being a mum, your mind has become a little too skilled at splitting your attention and multitasking, maybe in part because you believe it’s the only way to stay on top of the load. You need to train your brain to focus more on the present moment, leaving thinking about tasks for when it’s truly useful to do — so you can actually enjoy playing with your kids.

2. An inner voice that says, “Maybe I’m just not cut out for this — what’s wrong with me?” (and brings with it a crushing guilt).

This means: You’re viewing motherhood through the lens of shame and self-criticism, which makes every hard moment even harder to cope with. Developing self-compassion is key, so you can finally feel more at peace with not always getting it right (none of us do), while supporting yourself to grow as a mum.

3. Spiraling worries about everything that could go wrong with your kid’s development, behaviour, or health — and jumping to the worst conclusion.

This means: Your brain’s natural tendency to focus on the negative is a little too active right now, and it’s causing anxiety. You need to develop a sense of safety with your body and mind, especially in moments when you feel out of control and outcomes are uncertain (hello, parenting).

4. Angry thoughts on repeat about all the ways someone (often your partner) has let you down.

This means: You have unprocessed resentment and ongoing unmet needs, which are no doubt colouring your perspective of your partner. You need to process your anger so that it can finally move to long-term memory and then work on communicating your needs in a way that is both effective and inspiring.

I hope this helps give you a little more clarity as to what might be needed to shift any negative thoughts you find playing on a loop.
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If you could resolve any one of these, which one would cause the biggest mood-boost and bring more ease to your motherhood? I’d love to know if one (or more) resonated!

In support of you,

Kirsti

Mum of two | Coaching Psychologist (MAPPCP)

In my world

I adore living in the city of Bath, UK with my husband and our two kids, but after our only family in the UK moved away last year (and in light of the fact that my husband works in Europe), we began to rethink our decision to be here. As South Africans, we’ve always struggled to adjust to the weather! So we’re currently spending the month in Lisbon, Portugal exploring whether living here would feel right for us — it’s been a mix of excitement, gratitude for this even being a possibility, overwhelm as we try to figure out how everything works here, and trepidation about how big a change this would really be for our family. I’m holding it all, knowing multiple things can be true at once, and remembering how useful a mindset of open curiosity can be in times of change.

Need an empowered mindset to deal with a tricky situation? Limited coaching spots available next week!

I have four Renewed Perspective coaching spots available next week. If you’re feeling stuck in negativity and powerlessness in any area of motherhood and just know a perspective shift would help, then this is perfect for you. We’ll spend our time together helping you feel seen, and then empowered to deal with the situation in a way you’re proud of, armed with a new perspective and realistic coping tools. Think more presence, energy, and the lightness of not having to carry it alone — £55 for a 10 min intro + 40-45 mins 1:1 coaching. Simply reply to this email to reserve a session.