Hey Reader,

Here’s the honest truth about why it can feel so hard to prioritise myself in motherhood, as a recovering people-pleaser…

(Maybe you relate?)

When I decide to do something for myself, I would love if no one was inconvenienced by me doing so.

I feel guilty when the baby cries because it’s me she wants, or my toddler asks me to stay.

I feel guilty coming back to find my husband overstimulated (even though I would be, too).

It would feel freeing to know that turning towards myself didn’t add to the burden on anyone else. I would love to know that I stepped away and left only ease in my wake.

And sometimes this unspoken (and unrealistic) wish means I don’t take time to myself as often as I need, because…

I keep waiting for it to be convenient, and it never is.

I’m tired but I don’t have the capacity to hold the guilt of knowing the baby cried wanting me.

Or I tell myself the story that my husband’s overstimulation is something I need to protect him from, that that burden is best carried by me.

But all of this just keeps me exhausted.

It’s a lesson I’m still learning:

That I still deserve to take time to myself even though it means my kids and my husband sitting with some discomfort.

I do it for them — willingly inconvenience myself so that they can be happy.

Isn’t that part of what love is?
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So perhaps letting myself receive that is really just receiving love. The courage it takes to believe we’re not just loved when we’re easy, needing of nothing — but even when we’re not?

If you relate, maybe you can see how this desire not to be a burden to anyone else can cause us to burn out as mothers.
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​Before you can start priortising your wellbeing, you must untangle yourself from the beliefs that keep you neglecting yourself in service of being everything to everyone else.

You need to experience a shift in perspective where you see how taking care of yourself actually benefits your kids and partner — rather than takes anything away from them.
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​When this clicks, your relationship with yourself will change, and you’ll find a greater sense of ease and motivation to take care of yourself.

That’s where I start with the mums I work with in my coaching sessions for mums: helping even the idea of pouring into your wellbeing feel lighter and easier — so that motherhood will, too.

This week, try to notice if you’re sidelining your wellbeing because you “don’t want to be a burden”, and see if you can be open to the idea that you can be worthy and lovable even if it inconveniences your loved ones.

And if you need help with this, I’m here.

In support of you,

Kirsti

Mum of two | Coaching Psychologist (MAPPCP)

In my world

Co-regulation (where your child’s nervous system comes to mirror your own) really is your most powerful parenting tool, even when it comes to your little one’s sleep. Sometimes my 16 month old struggles to fall asleep, and all the usual ways of soothing her to sleep just don’t seem to help — breastfeeding, rocking, stroking her face, even trying to appear like I’m going to sleep, none of it works! So lately I’ve tried something new: doing a 5-10 min Breathwork practice on my phone. So far, she is asleep by the end of it every single time. Soothing my nervous system to soothe hers really does work better and quicker than any calming tool. Give it a try and let me know if it works for you, too!